Cameo

With a special appearance by Project Oasis, I am blowin' your mind and mixing up my blogs.

Be Humble. Don't Grumble.

Whenever I start buggin' over my first world "problems", I think about days like this:

...And I'm back again.

Perspective.

I attended a lecture last week, and the speaker was a prominent Florida businessman. The floor was opened up for questions, and a student asked, "What was your biggest failure?"

The gentleman replied, "Failure? There are attempts that didn't work out right then and there, so you have to re-route, modify, adjust. Failure is sticking to the original plan and giving up. So in my professional life, I have never failed."

I'm fine, thanks.

On beautiful days, I'd look out the window and wonder why I wasn't outside.

I don't get 9 to 5s. I feel like I can accomplish anything I need to do in less time and out of the confines of a cubicle (cringe).

How do I picture my life? I picture my "work" being incorporated directly into it rather than being isolated in 8 hour blocks, 5 days a week. Who made up the rule that life exists only after you leave the office and on the weekends? And why wait until you're 50 to retire and enjoy life? What about those 20-30 years before that?

I want to be happy all the time. And to be clear, I don't mean I don't want to work. On the contrary, my friend, but life is too short to spend most of it being miserable. I just want to enjoy what I do, and I want it my work and therefore my life to be meaningful.

Goal: Get a life. Not just a job.

http://imfinethanksmovie.com/ Thanks, Willie Jackson, for sharing.

Rose Colored Glasses

ONE DAY, I'm gonna look back at all of this and say...

Remember that one time I dropped psych like a bad habit then didn't go to Spain to teach English because I was too busy selling paintings in the Plaza and eating hare krishna (HELLO! Spaghetti Wednesday!) then moved to NY and went to fashion school and didn't sleep, didn't eat, practically lived at school but in real life lived in JERSEY! and they ate all of my peanut butter and the key to the house never worked but then I found my perfect New York apartment with perfect room mates and went to New York Fashion Week a few times and snuck into a few shows and thought I'd have a heart attack because I didn't wanna get caught but Leah made me.. (I just HATE getting in trouble the thought makes me nervous)

Then we all graduated and started going our separate ways Courtney stayed in New York Sarah never moved in but was supposed to but decided to go back to Maryland to corporate America and Leah eventually went to Vegas (but not yet) and Eseri went home to UGANDA?! and I left too and went back to Florida, but not home.. Fort Myers, which was a lovely town and I was there for a lovely job (not my dream job but def a step towards it) but there was just too many old people and nothing to do and plus it was really, really far from church so I returned to New York and moved back in the perfect apartment and at the time Leah was still there but then she moved out and Eseri was already in Africa and that left me with a terribly mean room mate who was just a mean, mean, rude girl and she made me cry and the apartment started to fill with randoms and Frenchies and they were the sweetest but it just wasnt the same.

Oh, wait. Pause. Before I moved from New York to Florida and while I was in school I went to the Philippines and from that moment I wanted to just bring people water because it's so sad, yanno, who doesn't need water?

Hmm, where was I? Oh, yes.. So I left New York AGAIN for the summer and had to move out of that perfect apartment and did random things to make ends meet and thought I closed the chapter on cheerleading, but hey, UCA takes care of ya and it pays the bills then I went to the Philippines AGAIN to actually bring people water and I loved it and would've stayed longer if all of my friends weren't getting married and I still miss and it changed me forever and ever and I'm a better person because of it.

Then I became a real life gypsy with no home, slept on friends couches and I was in Florida for a minute then paid a visit to New York and even hung out in DC for a week because it was in the middle and I wasn't sure which direction I wanted to go but I finally came back home and twiddled my thumbs and flipped my coin app to make decisions.

But then I finally made some decisions and everything worked out because the dots always connect (eventually) and the universe conspires in helping achieve your Personal Legend and what ever other cliche quote and life lesson from a book and motivational speech and bible verse (Proverbs 16:9) that's out there that explains WHY it works outs and reminds you to not worry so dadgum much. (Just trust that it does)

ONE DAY, I'm gonna look back and tell this story and laugh hysterically because I am ridiculous and incredibly lucky blessed and it will all make sense and I'll be so grateful for it all.

Sleep No More

Parsons was a place of no sleep.

We'd stay up until close, surviving off of vendor machine snacks and naps.

My eyelids would feel like a thousand pounds.

I'd feel like I'd throw up at any moment.

And I'd have a headache that started from the back and crept its way to my temples.

That was usually the cue to go home.

That feeling is back again. I'm not complaining. I'm just saying that it's back again.
I'm actually taking it as a good sign.

Fast Cars & Freedom

As topsy turvy as life feels right now, with every single aspect kind of just floating in the air, waiting to be grabbed, I'm thankful. I'm thankful because if having too many options is my biggest problem, then I'm in pretty good shape.

I could sit here and analyze every possibility to wits end, but there's no way of knowing what will happen until it does. And nothing can begin until I make a decision. Any decision.

Fear is paralyzing. But we have to ask ourselves what exactly we're afraid of. Loving that new city? Excelling at that new job? Generally being awesome? Being too happy?

It's not always fear of failure. Sometimes it totally is. Sometimes maybe we're fearful of the responsibility that comes along with success.

And that's dumb. We are capable of any and everything. And if you're afraid to go out there on your own, don't be. There are enough people out there who want to help you. You'll be surprised to find out how many people would rather see you succeed than fail. And if the latter outnumbers the former, you need to find new people.

Thankful for the people in my life and for the opportunities life brings.  With so many decisions to make, I hope I make the right ones.

If every choice is a fork in the road, well then I'm driving through Jersey, stopped at a 10 way street. (If you've ever driven through Jersey, you'd get it. Their road "system" is insane.)  I'm excited to see where these decisions take me, and anxious to find out who stays and who bails on this hypothetical road trip. The possibilities of it all is enough to make your heart leap.

Hope you decide to come along for the ride! Top down, music blasting, turning off  the GPS and leaving the maps in the glove compartment. Life's faster in the carpool lane. And a lot more fun too.

I feel like I should play "Jesus Take the Wheel". You should youtube it while you re-read this.

Have a little faith.

Election 2012.. Kind of like college football.

• Watching the debates carried the same excitement as conference games. 
• Ohio and Florida were both important players.
• Refreshing CNN.com was like checking ESPN on Sundays for the rankings.
• People complain about the electoral college & people complain about the BCS system (which will be replaced with a four team play off in the 2014 season, if you've been living under a rock).  
• Watching election coverage was like watching the SEC championship (because, yanno, that's the one that matters.)

The thing is, you can't dismiss your country and fellow countrymen just because your guy didn't win, just like you can't abandon "your team" during a losing season. That would make you a band wagoner.. a fly by fan. That is just silly. And so un-American. So un-patriotic.

I appreciate your passion, I do. But there is also such a thing as being mean and rude and inconsiderate.

Faith in humanity. Faith in your country. Faith in whatever higher power that you so choose. We can do that, yanno? It's America. The greatest country in the world.

I'm American. And I'm Christian. 
Both of those things tell me that we'll be fine.

On a more light-hearted note, here are some fun photos from a trip to out nation's capital in July 2009. Go America! And Go Gators! (Because there's never a wrong time to say either of those things.)

Turning Points.

My summer in Spain changed me forever. I learned about myself and my own capabilities. It taught me that I can do anything. That everything always turns out fine.

My summer in the Philippines changed me forever. I learned about my faith and God's capabilities. It taught me that I can do anything. That everything always turns out fine.

Trust life. Trust yourself. Trust God. Then we ain't got nothin' to worry about.

Detour

Amidst my lethargy of late, I was reading through this blog and realized that on this journey to becoming I've begun to lose the person I was.

I was scrolling through my older posts that took me to earlier this year: my move to Fort Myers and then my subsequent move back to NY; then back to my first trip to the Philippines; and back even further, to the very beginning, all the way to my first day at Parsons, and the endless, grueling days, nights and months that followed, through projects and sewing and late nights at school, Jersey commutes and finding that perfect NY apartment.

I was excited. Enthusiastic. Hopeful. In all of those moments, I had no doubt that I where I was supposed to be; that that was what I meant to be doing. It wasn't always easy, but whatever it was, it was right, simply because I was there. I was so sure, so certain, and right now I'm delving deep to find that excitement, enthusiasm and hopefulness that was there.

Why then, in this moment, does everything feel not right? It seems that whatever avenue I drive down, I make a u-turn because it wasn't the place I was looking for. That has left me searching for a path I can navigate confidently through, but gas light is flickering and everyone else seems to be zooming right on by.

Patience and prayer. I'll get there eventually.