Not a Baby Step of Faith

This summer, nearly done, has been a lot about goodbyes and new beginnings. I've graduated (again), but this time with something that I 100% believe in. I feel good.. happy with my decision to abandon psychology and go to Parsons. I'm scared. Scared out of my freakin' mind. Graduating from UF, there was the pressure to figure things out. Now there's the pressure to make it happen; to succeed.

Some of my friends are in the same boat. Whether it was Parsons or grad school, several of us are on the job hunt. We've decided what direction we'd like our lives to take, but the time table in which that happens is beyond our control.

So while many of us are practicing patience in this wretched economy, other friends are re-thinking the path they're on. And while I was perusing through friends' blogs, I came across a post from a friend who is anxious to take that leap.

"I'm terrified that I would completely fail, become completely broke, and have to move back home but at this step in my life, the idea of me never figuring out and always wondering "what if" terrifies me even more than failure." -Ayeh


That part really resonated with me. And it reminded me of one of those voiceovers that Meredith does in Grey's Anatomy. I first took heart to this quote back in undergrad.

Here's the back story: It was the end of my freshmen year, and it was time for tryouts for UF Cheerleading. They were choosing the team for the following year. It sounds silly, because it's cheerleading, but it's something that I desperately wanted to be a part of. I didn't make it the year before, and I had been stunting and doing privates to keep up my skills. Tryouts finally rolled around, I was sitting in front of the building, and I freaked out. I didn't go in. I didn't even get out of the car. I told my friend that I didn't want to go in and to keep driving.

I never expected myself to do that. To not try. I remember going home, crawling into my bed and pulling the covers over my head, the way I did when I was a child and unhappy. All I thought to myself, "Now I have to wait a whole 'nother year." I wanted to go back in time, and do that whole day over again. I was hoping it was a bad dream. Really? Didn't even go up to the door? I decided that I'd never allow myself to do that again.

I found this quote shortly after. (The specific quote is at the very end, but I wanted to share the entire thing.) I typed it in an extra large font on my Xanga, and wrote it on a post-it and stuck it on my wall, as a reminder to never let that happen again. Because being a coward will not get you any where. And while I went on to have the greatest college experience, next time I may not be so lucky. Second chances come few and far between. So it's okay to be afraid. But that's what courage is for. So thank you, Grey's for the reminder.

"A couple hundred years ago Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that 'til tomorrow, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity; you'd think we'd pay more attention to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear if just of making a decision. Because... What if you're wrong? What if you make a mistake you can't undo? Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true: That by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. And you thought I was speaking metaphorically... 'The early bird catches the worm.' 'A stitch in time saves nine.' 'He who hesitates is lost.' We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time; heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still, sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrows run until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of not trying. " -Meredith, Grey's Anatomy

#prayfornorway

After a bombing in Oslo and a massacre at a youth retreat, more than 90 lives were claimed by a single madman's rampage in quiet and unsuspecting Norway.

Back at the retreat, located about 20 miles from the capital on an island called Otoeya, a man dressed as a police man entered. The youth thought it was a security check in conjunction to the bombing. Instead, the man opened fire, claiming victim after victim for two hours.

After reading this, you can't help but feel sad.. for these young lives that were taken, for their families, for the state of the world in general.

As I was reading, I came across this quote from one of the campers that really caught me:

"I laid under the bed for two hours and then the police smashed a window and came in. It seems kind of unreal, especially in Norway. This is not something that could happen here, this is something you hear about happening in the U.S."

Empathetic to the entire nation of Norway, because we, too, as a country have mourned too many young lives lost, I can't help but wonder how the world sees us.

Campus shootings, for instance.. one of my international friends said that it's something they expect to happen in the United States, and that it doesn't happen anywhere else.

I love America. And being American. But do we seem that barbaric? Brawn over brain. Is that the "American way"?

Just a thought.

Read more here and here

Run, Forrest

I have never liked running with my iPod.

The headphones bother me. And I hate knowing how long I've been running, while I run. Every time the song changes, knowing that each is around 3-4 minutes, I think "Crap. This is only third song. I've only been running 6 minutes!?!" It totally messes me up mentally, man. It's the same reason why I cover the time and distance on a treadmill; and why I prefer running in circles rather that seeing the end straight ahead.

So while it's partly a mental game, it's also my zen. I've never been very good at meditating, the way people do to "clear their mind". I can never seem to think of nothing. I only think more.

It's probably the cheerleader in me (okay, it's definitely the cheerleader in me) but all I do is think, "breathe in: 1-2-3-4; out 5-6-7-8". I get to think about my breathing, and that's it. And it's enough to distract me from all of my other thoughts.

I let my stride and my breathing find its harmony. I let my internal metronome run (no pun intended). And when I listen to my body and allow it to find it's own rhythm.. Well, it's just a wonderful feeling.

Nerding Out

Most other social media outlets have experienced success partly because of their ability to be linked to Facebook. Twitter, Tumblr, Yelp, even that Instagram thing I think. Well, at least that's what I assume, because I see 'em on my Newsfeed. Well, why would FB help, in a way, other types of social media? I'm no expert, but I think it's because those other outlets are only part of FB's social media game. FB provides a full social network. Not just statuses. Not just pictures.

There is no doubt that Fb is king of social networking. At least for now. But I hate those stupid games - like, seriously. Wthell is Farmville about? Really?

It started out as this cool exclusive thing, all about connecting people. But then they started adding bumper stickers, and silly games, and other invitations that I choose to ignore. It's not really why I joined FB.

Some people don't like Facebook. Sometimes I think it's too much. Like, I don't care and don't always need to know exactly where and what you're eating. (I also hate that it's called the "Newsfeed". (1) The word "news" is beginning to lose it's meaning because of it. It's a joke. And it makes us look like idiots because (2) it is hardly news.) But the pros outweigh the cons.

It's a great tool, and doesn't replace a friendly phone call, or a lunch date, but it helps to stay in touch and keep up with old friends. (Of course, it also helps really immature and nosy people stir up a lot of unnecessary drama, but you win some, you lose some. And it'd happen either way. So don't blame FB.) It's just another way to tell my friends that I love 'em and I miss 'em. And really, what's wrong with showin' a little Fb love?

On another side note, and to their credit, they did manage to create virtual flirting, with the "poke". Hilarious. But totally okay. It was created by college kids, afterall. And what's life if it ain't a little fun, yanno? Can't take it too seriously.
(If you haven't seen Social Network you should. I don't care if you hate fb. Like it or not, it's changed life as we know it. And is a huge part of our whole generations "thing".)

A couple other inadequacies? The new picture viewing thing is a little annoying. And the quality isn't great, but you just learn to not print from Fb, and understand that it's just for sharing purposes. Fb chat isn't reliable and it's messages are a bit messy. But also not too big a deal, bc I just use gchat and gmail. Both much more accessible on my phone.

But that's the point I'm getting to. Overall, Fb does the trick. Sure there are a couple of things that are little.. ehhhh, but only annoying at worst. It gets the job done. And does exactly what it was built to do.

But now, with Google+.. Well, we already know Google owns everything. Most people have Gmail accounts. I love Gchat. It's what I use when I wanna get away from the Fb chats. Google is already linked to my phone and is Android friendly. It's less cluttered, but then again, once upon a time so was Fb. It owns Picasa, so pictures are supposed to be of higher quality. It's a bit more user friendly when it comes to organizing your friend groups. They decided to go with "Stream" rather than "Newsfeed." And it doesn't have just video chat. Group chat. (Ciao Skype and Oovoo.) Google even owns this blog.

So basically, it is a Fb upgrade.

For Facebook's sake, I hope it can keep up. I'm sure they regret (the rumored?) smear campaign but ya gotta give credit where credit's due.

They were just a bunch of college kids who didn't know they were creating social media/networking as we know it - defining our generation as one that is constantly connected.

Makes you feel for them, a little, yanno. They created the monster that is Facebook, but how do you compete with Google?

I'm all for underdogs. And I really like the idea that these guys could've been people I went to school with. But I also really like convenience.

I find this way toooo interesting. I'm such a geek.