Center of the World

View from the Empire State Building (taken November 2009)

These past few weeks I've found myself torn. Should I stay, or should I go? Am I ready, or am I wildly unprepared for the next step? The answer to the former is that I still don't know. As for the latter, I'm ready. For what? Well, that is still TBD.

I've come up with a few options, but it seems that once I think I got it figured out, life throws me a curve ball. All I can do is prepare for the most likely possibilities; which ever happens is the option I'm supposed to take.

The possible options I have may or may not leave me in NY. While it may quite possibly be the greatest city on the planet, I am a Southern girl at heart. That's left me thinking about whether or not I'm ready to leave. Sure, I have my complaints about this city, but it's really such a love/hate relationship. Despite the smells, the filth, the crowds, the cost of living, you can't deny the energy here. It's addicting. And right when you're ready to call it quits with the city, right when you think you've had enough, it draws you back in, with brisk Fall air, or the first hints of Spring after a long and grueling Winter; with those crazy nights out, or those classy days at a Broadway. I've once likened it to that unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship with that boy that can just break you down to the point where you're about ready walk to away and go cold turkey. Then the second you gather the gumption to do it, he says or does the right thing that makes you cave and say, "Fine. Ya got me."

January will mark my 2 year anniversary with New York City (on and off, with breaks in the summer). My plan up to this point was to stick it out 2-3 more years, learn the business. I'd get to do all those NY things; explore the city; have a social life. You know, all those things that I didn't get to do while I was at Parsons. Well, since then, I've had the stark realization than even with a job, it's not like I'd be able to afford all of those thing that I'd want to do. I have this theory about people that live in Manhattan (that aren't billionaires). You can have the lifestyle or you have comfort. Most can't afford both. And I, honestly, will always choose comfort.

Lately, I've been thinking that maybe it's like college. Sure, I loved my experience at UF. I still love Gainesville. I miss my friends. It was an unbelievable time. But there came a point when I knew that there was nothing left for me there. It was the right time for me to leave; it was necessary in order for me to go on to the next part of my life.

I've always known that this move wouldn't be a permanent one. As difficult, scary, and sad as it might be.. I'd miss my friends, my roommates, my (awesome) apartment.. maybe it's time to go on to the next, next part of my life.

I guess we'll see.