Insane in the Membrane

We're in the middle of finals, and I was chatting with one of my fellow classmates and had one of those AHA! moments. As we sat in the studio, delirious from lack of sleep, I had a very important realization.

There are three significant experiences that have completely warped my perspective of.. Well, let me break it down:

(1) Cheerleading - Body Image



You constantly compare yourself to the girls around you, with their chiseled legs, ripped abs, and dimples on their back, and become worried that you'll be too big for guys to throw you in the air, because nobody wants "the Tank" to be quoted after their first name. Even if you didn't care at first, you hear other girls freak out over an oreo and run 3 miles because of it, counting calories, and hear them ask, "Are you really gonna eat that?" All of a sudden, you're just as obsessed, and you look in the mirror and see every flaw in your body.

You're fine compared to real world people, but by cheerleading standards, meehhh. Could use a little work.

That's what goes through our head. Isn't that f'ed up? Tearing apart our self image when we should be celebrating it, because 20 years from now, we're gonna look back our photos and say, "Damn. I looked good," and wonder why we never appreciated ourselves back then.

(2) New York - Prices



You can expect lunch to cost at least $10, and dinner to be around $30, if you're lucky. Handing over the rent check is probably the most depressing day of the month; that's a mortgage in most places, and/or acres of land. (And that's also a lot of shopping and travelling) I get home, and I'm ready to say, "It's on me," just because I am so excited. It's ridiculous.

(2) Parsons - Sleep



We take naps at 11:30PM. I have conversations with one of my best friends, Lexy, who does the morning news and has to be at work at 5AM, and I'll be about ready to head to bed. They finally decided to keep the school open 24 hours for finals (about freakin' time) and several of my friends stayed until 6 in the morning, stayed home to shower, and came back. Athan walked in and asked (rhetorically, perhaps... PERHAPS), "Can I go home? I'm going to go home, sleep for an hour, take a shower, and come back. Can I do that?"

I often find myself asking that question. "Is it okay if I go home?" or "Can I sleep just for a little bit?" I remember when I first realized how messed up I was during my first semester. The conversation went something like this:

Friend: "Are you okay?"
Me: "I'm so tired. I don't know why."
Friend: "How long did you sleep?"
Me: "I slept 5 hours!" (I said that proudly, yanno.)

Seriously? Five hours is a good nights rest, and getting three to four hours of shut eye is still considered fortunate.



MAN. I am MESSED up.